I tried to 

scale Everest,

find treasures,

write epics,

run marathons,

build monuments,

serve kings,

be the best,

but all I was looking for

was a little bit of love

remember me

Give me a list of all the people

who will remember you 

once you are dead and gone,

and I will go through it

and strike out the names one by one

Only God will remember you.

Only God can save you from oblivion.

Live for God, not for them

In the evening of my life came Christ the lion

you, my God,

like a blessed flash of lightning,

evade my gaze,

as if blushing, blushing, blushing

for love of me

you my sublimity,

my epiphany,

you shine now, disappear then,

like a fleeting sparkle of the sun 

poured into my blinded eyes,

you the life with which I live,

you the love with which I love,

you the joy with which I rejoice,

you, the love I have searched for 

all my life, though I knew you not,

Jesus -

and thus in the evening of my life

came Christ the lion, 

searching for me who ran from Him,

roaring, roaring, roaring,

in rage against my enemies.

find me, Christ, and let me find you,

for you will not abandon me

***

The phrase 'Christ the lion' is inspired by the poem of T.S. Eliot which says, In the juvescence of my youth came Christ the tiger.

my will be broken

in the forest of experience

the leaves of my heart

rustle wildly in the storm of emotions

the bark of faith keeps me grounded.

reason and actions keep me safe.

for love is an act of the will

even in the dark storms of emotion

and loving God with abandon, with surrender,

is the only way forwards.

my will is stubborn, obstinate, and self-absorbed,

curling in into myself.

break my will, Jesus, and let yours be done

I am free

Sinking in the black quagmire of despair,

in the swamp of anxieties and 

endless self-absorbed thoughts.

Woe, woe, woe is me.

Like broken shards of a faded mirror,

my broken heart lay upon the dismal soil,

endlessly reflecting myself and my brokeness.

Woe, woe, woe is me.

But one hand, wounded, pierced, bleeding for me,

a Man full broken for love of me,

reached for me and rescued me,

placing me upon the mountain of His love.

And He looked into my eyes

and I looked into His,

and so was I redeemed by His love.

I do not worry or fret for tomorrow anymore,

tomorrow's problems are solved by Christ,

God of tomorrow, God of all time.

I think of only the solution not the problem.

You, Lord, are the solution to all my problems,

You are the answer to all my burning questions.

I no longer am bothered

by the dark nights or consoling days.

I no longer look at my brokeness.

I no longer think of myself.

I think of nothing but of God,

I do nothing but love and rejoice and exist in Christ.

For the love of God is mightier than all my brokeness.

I am at peace.

I am free

On my way to church

The sunlight on my face

The light on the city streets

The yellow leaves on the sidewalk

The sudden smell of autumn

The gust of wind rustling the fallen leaves.

On my way to church,

This sudden beauty ambushes me,

With the breathtaking, blinding brilliance

Of the sun at its zenith,

If only for a brief moment.

So too you blaze brilliantly towards me,

In the Eucharist.

Light light light

Lord, thou art light unto my darkness

This is Your love.

This is how You've loved me,

Lord Jesus Christ

Anguished Cry

Today I cried out to myself, and imagined,

(Would it be God telling me something?)

That at my deathbed

I would cry out with anguished heart

That I had not written the words 

God asked me to write

(Or that I had not lived out my days 

In the noble ways 

God asked me to live)

And so I now write, and now live

Before the descent of intolerable regret