transcendence

after the night of raging winds,

in the morning I head out to the street

and see a million paper cards 

scattered everywhere by the wind 

with the word transendence written 

on each one of them.

the howling wind still races along the street

and its alleys, challenging my mortality,

my transcience, my ephemerality.

oh that I could live forever upon this earth

but I cannot, and the screaming taunt 

of approaching death haunts me.

I take a breath above the waves,

immerse myself in God,

and I am under the waters again -

ICTHUS meaning fish, swims within 

the deep waters, immersed in God -

and so I try to imitate Christ.

I immerse myself in God again,

and continue to write

cities named after me,

books written about me,

and legends spoken

in hushed whispers

about me

all this do I imagine,

in my desire to be remembered

and in my fear of being forgotten.

supposedly pulchritudinous breadcrumbs

in lettered form in these desultory

rambling poems, all leading to one

single yearning of the heart, 

to tell posterity that I was once here.

what egoism what hubris what pride

to have thought that I could have

etch my name forever on the shores of time.

by nightfall the waves of death break through

and wash my name away as if I never were here at all

we all fail the test of time even the ever famous ones,

and we will live on only by virtue of charity

if we have had any in this short day on earth.

death is imminent. every step I take 

is one step closer, to that door that leads to God's embrace.

3 billion seconds they say is all we have on average.

every second gone is one second closer to eternity.

one second, one step closer to You.

I, mortal man, terrified of oblivion

I, mortal man, trying to transcend 

transcience and time

I, mortal man. with immortal soul.

like a diamond amidst the dust

for in the evening of life like the falling autumn leaves,

I too fall, I join the soil, and 

this frail dust that I am to dust returns.

and my soul would live on 

in the fullness of life only in God's embrace

I search everywhere, without realizing,

for meaning, for power, 

for glory, for fame,

to somehow be remembered forever,

to somehow be the greatest of them all,

but my search is always in vain.

it merely deepens the emptiness.

    I can find

        transcendence 

            only in God